My spiritual name is Luna Phaedra, and I have completed level three of the White Moon Training.

I first contacted Serenity about my interest in studying with the school in 2006. For me, this was a stepping stone in a journey which I first began several years ago when I heard the call of the Goddess. Its been a journey with many expected twists and turns along the way, but I have come a long way and the teachings have been instrumental in this.

I was the second oldest of four daughters, so the concept of Sisterhood was not exactly new to me when I began my studies. But the concept of the feminine divine was something that I had been aching for, and yearning for a very long time, although I did not recognize it as such for a very long time.

I did not really understand the idea of Trinity as being all male. I did not agree with it. But the thought of ever expressing that outloud, with clergy in my family, that was just something seen as totally unaccceptable, so for a long time I kept it between myself and my Grandmother. She told me about Mary, and introduced me to her, and told me how important a part of her spiritual life that her devotion to Mary was. We would go to the statue of her in the Church every single Saturday, well in advance of the time when mass was supposed to be.
She taught me about her, calling her the Mother of God, telling me that she did not see the Mother of God, or the Goddess as being seperate in any way, and that these things brought her great joy and fulflillment. She influenced me more than she ever knew and was in fact my first mentor and spiritual teacher.

Because of my Roman Catholic Upbringing, and because of the clergy in my family, it seemed logical to me when I felt a calling to seek entrance into a convent. I didn't realize any other options were out there for me. I made several retreats for young women interested in religious vocations when I was in high school, I did a few live in experiences with different religious orders. It was the devotion to Mary the Mother of God, which was the seed of a calling that had been planted in me as a little girl when I used to go to Church with my Grandmother.

I eventually I joined a convent around the age of twenty. I remained there for a time before making the decision that this was not in fact what I was meant to do with my life. I began reexamining all of my spiritual beliefs within the time I spent with the sisters.

I had made a personal vow to God and to myself when I entered that I would listen to the still soft voice within my heart and follow it wherever it leaded me. When I felt without a doubt that I was being lead elsewhere, and that my calling was to follow a different path, I took a plunge in faith even though it was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

I spent a few years after I left trying to reorient myself and try and figure out precisely what I was supposed to be doing. There was an incessant nagging sense within me that I was meant to do something. I had had the opportunity to do work in women's advocacy, with unwed mothers, and abuse victims.

The turning point for me however, was when I considering going back into another convent because I felt so lost without a sisterhood that I did not know what to do with myself. I had been trusting for a long time, trying to figure things out when I got invited to visit another convent that was helping me in my discernment.

I was able to spend the afternoon working with some teenage boys. We played basketball, watched television and things like that. Normal things that you'd expect any teenagers to do. When I spoke with the Mother Superior about my experience she asked me. "What did you think of the
boys?" I replied. "They are just a bunch of teenagers; a little mouthy perhaps, some of them were depressed, empty, in need of something. But they seem basically normal to me." She told me that the group I had spent the day working with were convicted felons. Dangerous felons. Convicted rapists, murderers and criminals of that nature.

I remember being blown away by the revelation. I had had such preconceived notions of what people who could do such horrible things were like I never even thought of them as human. But it was like being slapped in the face with the realization that indeed they were human.

The sister looked to me and she said. "You said it yourself, they are aching for something, they need something desperately. You can feel it, you can see it, but do you know what it is? They need to know that they are loved. They need the power of love in their life. They need the feminine divine."

I looked at her, as I could not believe she was saying what she was saying. I had never heard a Roman Catholic or a woman other than my Grandmother ever mention the feminine divine. Yet she was saying this to me. "The world is broken, aching, yearning for its mother....the world has had an overrepresentation of the masculine divine for some time, but it needs its mother. Why do you think that things like this happen in this world? What do you think causes it? Women are devalued, taught to hate themselves, taught that they are created lesser beings. The Trinity is all male. The Priesthood is all male. You are searching for something. But you aren't going to find it here. You are going to find it in the Goddess."

What she said to me rocked my world. I began considering her words a bit more, and then I watched the Movie Mists of Avalon. I could hear Morgana's words to her brother Arthur, in
response to his question. Do you think there is a God and a Goddess. "Why not, you have a Mother and a Father...." It began to make perfect sense to me. The scene where she was dedicated to the service of the Goddess literally moved me to tears. I knew then what I was called to do.

I felt the call to begin my studies with the order of the White Moon. I intend to continue on and
complete level four. To follow the voice of the Goddess wherever she leads.

Being a Hearth tender to me isn't just about lighting candles. Anyone can light a candle. A hearth tender brings light into the darkness. A wise woman I knew once said. "It is better to light
a candle then to curse the darkness."
We don't always have to even do this in the literally sense. We can bring light into the darkness
when we share the gifts the Goddess has given us. When we let out our inner muse, a spark precedes the flame of creativity. We are there to nurture and to support each other.

The Sisters have become like an extended part of my family. I am challenged and uplifted by them, and I in turn, want to give a bit of something back.

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